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Technology and relationships

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Tuesday, 9 February 2010 by Administrator

Has technology really changed the way we interact with others?

Today marks Safer Internet Day across more than 50 countries worldwide. So we thought this was a great day to start our blog series about how technology is infiltrating our lives and the influence it is having on the way we work, learn, shop, relate and socialise.

We hear a lot in the media about how young people of today can no longer interact effectively face to face as the majority of their communication happens online, but is this really true? Is the way young people communicate and interact with each other really that different? We also hear a lot about the cyberbullying epidemic? But is this any different to the school yard bullying that has always been around?

In order to answer some of these questions we need to think of the online space as a communication setting and technology as a communication tool.

When we think of the places or settings where young people hang out today they include shopping malls, parks and friend's places ... but they also include online spaces such as Habbo Hotel, Facebook and MSN chat. These online "settings" play a similar role for young people of today as the telephone did previously. I remember racing home from school to get to the phone first so I could call my friends and continue the conversation we were having at the end of the school day. Its no different today - except instead of using the home phone, young people are using the Internet or SMS to stay in touch. Funnily enough, parents are still asking the same question of their teenagers today as my Mum did ... "what could you possibly need to speak to them about - you've just spent 6 hours with them!"

Connection and belonging are key for young people - this has not changed and neither have the dynamics of their relationships - there are still "best friends", falling outs and make-ups, the main difference is that they often happen very publicly online. Many social networking sites allow users to list their Top 10 friends. If someone is removed from that list or demoted down the list it can be a very public statement of the state of their friendship. This behaviour online mimics the act of ostracising someone from a social group in the offline world.

If we compare the communication tools of today with previous years we also see lots of similarities. Remember back to the days when you were at school - for some of you it will be more recently than others. When I went through high school, in the early eighties, if we wanted to get a message to our friends across the classroom we would write it on a piece of paper and either pass it along the row of students to the intended recipient or make it into a paper airplane and throw it across the room. These days the "tool" has changed, and the messages are sent by SMS. I must admit the SMS is much less disruptive than the tossing of paper airplane notes across the room!

In the eighties, communicating if you were ending a relationship usually happened via a handwritten note - "You're dropped!" Similar situations are happening today - only the "You're dropped!" message is delivered via SMS or by changing your relationship status to single on Facebook.

Situations of playground bullying were also propagated through written notes, either as notes passed around a classroom or worse still, written on the toilet door! There is very little difference between this and the cyberbullying of today, it's just the toilet door is online and is called Facebook or MySpace. The dynamics and resulting hurt associated with the bullying are the same - there may not be any physical harm to the victim, however, the emotional harm is just as serious.

So my take on the technology and relationships debate is that the dynamics of relationships have not changed significantly over the years, only the tools and settings through which the relationships are played out have changed and the methods we should use in schools to try to combat and reduce the impact bullying has on a young person's wellbeing should be similar.

But what do you think? Is this too simplistic a way of thinking about it? What has worked in your school when it comes to technology use and relationships? Have you used any successful strategies to combat cyber bullying?

Join the conversation and share your ideas, thoughts and opinions below.